Jezus.

First I let this blog die, then I forgot about it.
Such a terrible blogger. Bad Sarah, bad.

Well, I'm back. For good? For now? Who knows. If I can finally get into the habit of blogging and make it stick, having a blog would be a great idea. I've been thinking about it a lot lately, having helped my mom's friend set up a blog of her own. I feel like there's just been so much on my mind lately. Things that I don't want to talk about, but at the same time want to get off my chest.

Sometimes, I feel unwanted. I feel pushed aside.
No, a lot of times I feel like that.Like I'm not important. Like I'm not talented. Like in every aspect of my life I'm just not good enough.

I know, I know. Bad mindset to have when you're an aspiring actress. But how can you avoid it? When you feel like crap, you're not going to care when people try to tell you the opposite of whatever's bothering you. You're just not going to believe it.

I've really been trying to look at myself lately, but I don't know where to start. I think I'm too mature for my own good. I mean, everyone always thinks I'm older than I am (high school senior is a popular guess) and, honestly, I might as well be. In school I tend to gravitate more towards the seniors and juniors, which just leaves me lonely in my normal classes and lonely when they graduate. I feel like I just want to be able to go off on my own and live my life. I think a lot of this comes from school and teachers. It's like at this point in my life, I'm constantly bound with chains and I just can't find the key.

So I pick the lock open and force my way out.

Have you ever heard that when you smile, you actually become happier?I've tried it. It works.

It's actually a really interesting thing. There's an article about it here:
http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=smile-it-could-make-you-happier

I also try and surround myself with things that I love. My acting class is like my home away from home. It's the one place where I feel I can truly be myself.

One more thing:
Nothing is forever, and what goes down must come up. As bad as you feel now, you're not always going to feel like that. It'll get better. I promise.

AAAND one more thing:
it's THE LIST.
dun dun dun.

-Fall in love
-Become more outgoing
-Visit France, England, Italy, and/or Australia. (Heck, I'll just travel the world!)
-Win an award for acting
-Preform on Broadway
-Master some style of dance
-Earn a steady income
-Learn how to fence. Yes, fence.
-Give myself a life that I am happy to be living

I'll post again as soon as I can with more acting-related updates.